Weird perimenopause symptoms, anyone?

Perimenopause has a few Greatest Hits. There are the the hot flushes and/or night sweats, the brain fog, the irregular periods catching you unawares. But those aren’t all we get. Some lucky slags get nothing whatsoever. And some only get the weird symptoms no one talks about. But we're talking about them today.

These symptoms are the ones you’d perhaps never think to connect to your hormones. To perimenopause. They're not the classic ones, after all. But the wobbling, spiking, dipping and recovering of hormones (because all that bs about levels just falling off a cliff has been fully debunked) can cause no end of strange shit in your body.

Take vaginal atrophy, for example. No one warns you that your vag can start changing. But yes, it can dry out, thin out and even get smaller. It’s part of something called genitourinary syndrome of menopause, caused by the drop in oestrogen that supports the vaginal tissue.

Pain, itching, recurring UTIs… all incredibly common in midlife. Lube can be a bit of a salve if your vag hasn't shut up shop, but there's something better: topical oestrogen. Most of us probably had zero idea that was even a thing.

Then, there are the pelvic floor changes. If you're a FitBtch member or have followed us for a while and seen Vic in her infamous fanny costume, you might already know that leaking or prolapse cannot be solely blamed on having babies. But the not-so-fun fact is that they can also be a menopause thing. As oestrogen dips, our connective tissue loses bounce, strength and support. If you’re dribbling piss when you sneeze, laugh or take an ill-advised bounce on a kid's trampoline that you wouldn't have given a second thought to a few years ago... the fact is that your hormones are probably shifting. And yes, a pelvic floor physio is absolutely worth your time. Or a pelvic floor course that's been put together with a pelvic floor physio, *cough cough (no leaking here slags) cough *

Itchy ears are something that several of us FitBtches suffer from and we initially had no idea it was connected to perimenopause. Because "earphones and earplugs might be causing that, right?" we say as we merrily itch (side note: be fking careful if you have acrylic talons, ask us how we know). Nope. Those random scratchy ear canals, or various other body parts like boobs, armpits or shins can be hormonal. As oestrogen drops, your skin gets thinner and drier everywhere - exactly the same mechanism behind vaginal dryness. Hydration from the inside (this is your cue to glug a glass of water now btw), gentle skincare and (again) topical oestrogen can make a huge difference.

And our last weird symptom for today's blog: vertigo and dizziness. Ever stood up too quickly and felt like you were flashing back to a psy-trance party you went to in 2001 (just us?). If it seems to be happening more often than it used to, just know that these spells can also commonly come from fluctuating oestrogen, which affects the inner ear and blood pressure. Annoying? Yes. Occasionally quite fun? Also yes.

So in summary, for those of us who do experience symptoms, perimenopause isn’t just hot flushes and wonky periods. There's a whole myriad of weirdness to discover and endure. You're not losing the plot or physically falling apart, you're just starting to go through The Change babes. And being forewarned is being forearmed - just make sure you keep a diary and use it to slap your GP around the face with it (metaphorically).