The 'soft return': 5 easy wins after a festive break

If the last couple of weeks have been a blur of cheese, booze, random sleep patterns, mountains of chocolate and basically just zero structure of any sort... congratulations, you're extremely normal. Because 100% same.

Thankfully the bollocks 'New Year New Me' rhetoric has been booted into the past where it belongs, because January is, and has always been a shit time for detoxing or essentially punishing yourself for living your life.

Buttttt (and it's a slightly larger one than last month), we're still a pair of fitness enthusiasts, so here at FitBtch HQ, we're championing the 'soft (slag) return'. Little actions that gently bring you back into a semblance of rhythm without ripping the cosy comfort blanket away.

So here are five easy health wins that will make a huge difference and require only tiny amounts of willpower.

Drink some fking water

It's probably the least exciting fitness tip out there but soooo many of us midlife slags are internally arid af at the best of times, and it's worse during holiday periods. When routines go out the window, hydration is usually the first thing to suffer. Booze and coffee are diuretics - they can make you more parched. Fizzy pop too. When we're off work, we're out and about more and... FFS! Forgot your water bottle again!!

So before you even THINK about calories, macros, or food rules, drink some more goddamn water.

Drink a glass before you have your morning tea or coffee. Drink another one mid-morning. Have more with lunch. You do not need this spurious advice, you're a grown-arse woman and you know the drill. Do not neck a pint of water at bedtime because you forgot and you were thirsty, your middle-aged bladder can't hack it.

Drinking water improves energy, digestion, appetite regulation and helps get rid of headaches. You know this, we know this. Stop reading this blog and get some water.

Let's have a word about sugar

If you've got a sweet tooth, eating too much chocolate on the reg is a Christmas tradition. (Well, since autumn really, now the UK's gone full American-style on Halloween... side note: we just bin 3/4 of our kids' Halloween haul and they never notice). It's not just puddings, but 'one more Quality Street' when you've already had 6, half a choc orange before breakfast, finishing up the mince pies, the fairly gross 'chocolate flavour' tree decorations which have the nostalgic flavour of advent calendars of yore, Baileys... le sigh.

Now. We're not going to stand (/type) here and demonise sugar or spout any sort of bs about 'being good'. But now it's January, let's just maybe knock the all-day grazing on the head, yeah?

You don’t need sweets at 9am now (you never did but hey). Neither do you have to make life more miserable by cutting them out completely. You could bite the bullet and bin the open packets (or better yet, donate them to someone else), or you could start making treats intentional rather than reflexive ('They're there, it's Christmas... get in my face!'). This month, all of us at FitBtch HQ are putting sugar back where it belongs - as a choice and a treat.

There are chocolate-based treats in our Nutrition Hub btw.

Embrace the 'snack walk'

'Exercise snacks' is not a term we've just invented, although our Fitmas Challenge was basically along these lines - they're very short bursts of activity you can work in, throughout your day. But the 'snack walk'... wtf are we on about? Well, movement often drops to near zero over Christmas, we become welded to the sofa with crisps and our step count is basically from stomping around the house fking tidying up. But suggesting you suddenly start walking for hours in Jan isn't gonna go down well, is it? So do it for mere minutes instead.

A 10-minute walk once or twice a day is not cardio by any stretch but it's enough to give your festive physique a bit of a boost, improve your blood sugar regulation, support digestion, give you a bit of a mood and energy boost and basically reacquaint you with movement.

School run doable on a walk? Fking brilliant - kids are back today, nailed it mate.

Don't forget your hate and gloves - it's bloody brass monkeys out there.

Put some colour back on your plate

After Christmas and New Year, your body may be quietly (or loudly, with a megaphone) begging for nutrients. But 'clean eating' can ABSOLUTELY do one.

Instead, ask yourself: where’s the protein? Where’s the fibre? Where’s the bloody COLOUR? Eat some bloody fruit, ya slag. Make a compote (Vic just basically boils a bag of frozen mixed fruit every week with some honey and has it daily until it's gone. Bloody genius tbh). Put some veg on your plate at lunch. Rediscover salad! Eat something, anything green! Just give your plate a bit of freshness and life again.

Need a meal plan? Maybe a plan for a 14 Day midlife nutrition Kickstart to ease you into chowing protein and wholefoods like a fking champ? There's one in the membership... use code KICKSTART for £20 off annual, making it under £6 a month!

Put workouts in the diary (not your head)

Today... or tomorrow if you've got an inset day, it's likely life is soon going to be back to something resembling normal. Kids in bed and up at normal times, routines becoming routine... this is the time to look for the windows of opportunity, not wait for elusive motivation.

The biggest barrier to starting up a fitness routine is rarely just effort. It’s pretty much pure logistics.

So fire up your phone calendar. Find some realistic slots. Schedule some sessions in. Block them out so no one can invite you to anything else. It's set in stone. Or pixels. Only got 5 minutes twice a week? Great - we've got workouts that'll fit. You do not have to suddenly find 9 hours a week that didn't exist before and schlep to the gym. Just start showing up, a little here, a little there. Consistency and habits start with just doing... something.

No overhaul required

If you've read down this far - you brilliant slag you - just know this. What we're suggesting here is not as hardcore as a full reset (although we've got one of those in the membership if you do want to go harder). It is most certainly not a 'detox'. We're never going to lecture you about getting 'back on track'. We're here to help ease and support you into making new habits that nourish you, spiritually and physically, with absolutely no drama, guilt, or extremes.

Do a few of these things. Do them randomly, do them badly. Just do them. Let some kind of momentum build naturally.

And before you know it, you're a fking FitBtch slaying midlife and perimenopause.

LAST WORD - our January sale is running for one more week... use code KICKSTART for £20 off annual memberships, making it under £6 a month!